Heal A Relationship
Monday, June 23, 2008
Relationship is very subjective. What exactly it is ? Well, it depends on how you work on it .
What happen if your relationship get troubles? or broken ?
Here what i found out from the various source and i compile those together here :
1. Let Go Resentmen
When you're resentful, a part of you dies inside. You lose your aliveness and joy for life. You become bitter and less able to love. Letting go of resentment is for your benefit -- it's not for the other person.
We resent in a subconscious attempt to avoid feeling hurt. When we resent, we're forcefully blaming the other person. We're putting all our focus on the other person's responsibility so we don't have to look at ourselves.
We don't want to see that, deep down, we are the problem. We don't want to see that what happened was the result of our being unloveable, not good enough, or even worthless. Thinking that we're unloveable is never the truth: it's just an old hurt, but it's a hurt that we will do anything to avoid feeling. Once you're willing to feel this hurt, the need for the resentment disappears.
The next step in letting go of resentment is to notice that your ex is doing the very best he/she can with his/her extremely limited equipment. If your ex were wiser and more aware, he/she would have been able to act in a very different way. It may help you to consider your ex to be "disabled" in certain areas: just as you wouldn't be mad at a person in a wheelchair who refused to climb a staircase, so you wouldn't be mad at your ex for failing to see your point of view if he/she is "disabled" in the area of compassion.
2. Find your Role in the Conflict
Both of you are 100% responsible for the loss of love in your relationship. Find your 100%: recognize how non-accepting, critical, and resentful you've been. Notice how your actions have resulted in the loss of love in your relationship. Once you accept your 100%, you can no longer blame the other person. The good news about this is that you get your power back.
3. Be willing to lose your Ex
The more you hang on to someone, the more he/she struggles to escape. If you want your relationship to be loving and supportive, you need to create an environment where the person will enjoy being with you. When you cling desperately to someone, you do the opposite. To let go of your ex, you must be willing to feel your hurt: the pain of feeling unlovable, worthless -- whatever other emotion is there for you. The more you're willing to feel your hurt, the less you need to hang on.
4. Communicate your hurt and Express your love
After you make peace with the way your ex really is, the next step is to "clean up" your relationship. Do this in person, by telephone, by letter or e-mail -- whichever works best for you. Tell your ex that having a good relationship with him/her is important to you, and that you want to restore the love -- even if you can't restore the marriage. Accept responsibility for the conflict, and ask to be forgiven. Make sure the person feels loved, accepted, and appreciated -- and not blamed at all. For instance, if you say: "I'm sorry for being so critical, but you really were a jerk!" you will accomplish nothing. Just apologize for your own contribution and ask to be forgiven.
The purpose of this conversation is to restore the love, remove the distance, and to shift the way the two of you interact with each other. Do whatever you can to make this happen.
5. Keep looking for 'Win-Win' Solution
Make sure your ex knows that you are also interested in his/her well-being. When your ex feels threatened by you, you force him/her to fight against you, making your situation much worse. To avoid conflict, refuse to engage in adversarial conversations that pit you against each other. Instead, keep looking for common ground and solutions that are fair and work for everyone. It's hard to fight someone who's on your side. Sometimes you find solutions quickly; sometimes it takes longer. Just make sure you don't stop looking.
6. Go to Bed
The perfect orgasm can bring the good feedback. Plan it to be perfect. Make is as an important event. Not like your usual sleep time. Bring back her/his first time moment with you. It will be perrrfect .
source : http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/2005/02/19/936181.html, me
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